Apertures, June edition. No. 8
Augustine's geography of grace, mercy from Ralph Yarl, Mavis Staples raid of grace, the prayer of the bee, and grace-in-practice at the movies. Plus, more things sustaining me for the summer
Welcome to Apertures. A monthly letter collecting themes of grace from short essays, poetry, music, movies and photographs. All pictures taken by me unless otherwise noted.
1. Geography of Grace
On the Road with St. Augustine, by James K.A. Smith
Meditating on the incarnation, on God becoming human in Jesus, Augustine describes the God who runs to meet us: “He lost no time, but ran with shouts of words, acts, death, life, descent, ascent, all the time shouting for us to return to him.”1 Jesus is the shout of God, the way God runs out to meet us. Augustine shares the story of his prodigality as an invitation to find ourselves in the end of the story. To map our roaming like that of the prodigal is not a cartography of despair or self-loathing and shame; to the contrary, it is a geography of grace that is meant to help us imagine being welcomed home.
“You boys going to get somewhere, or just going?” We didn’t understand his question, and it was a damned good question. - Jack Kerouac, On the Road
I picked up On the Road with St. Augustine from the library the other day and have been loving it. It’s been on my To Read list for awhile, and now that summer is here, it feels like a good book to read.
And what is summer without a good road trip? Memories of driving the 101 all the way down through California, gazing up at the dripping Redwoods as they bleed into Pines, Madrones, and eventually, Palm trees, are beckoning me again. Or heading east to the Alvord desert in south eastern Oregon; where there is so much wide-open space, my lungs are laid flat like a lizard in the sun.
I’ve been craving a good road trip recently. All those mixed up feelings of not belonging, never arriving, all cooped up, stretched out along the highway. Able to look at each one for what they’re worth. Sure, maybe the kids will be in the back seat. There will be bouts of frustration and noise, and then we’ll turn the corner and we’ll settle. My kids will learn, just like I did, to welcome the silence of the road and turn their window into a tv screen. Sometimes the wind will rush in and flood their senses in all the best ways, and they’ll ask to play that one song really loudly. We’ll play it over the speakers and think back to this one time every time we hear the song now.
They’ll get bored and learn that that is ok. Not everything has to be seized or utilized. They will arrive, finally, to themselves, and be ok.
I think sometimes I only love the road because I have a home. I wonder how many don’t love the road because they don’t have a home? I know the answer to that, and it is too many to count.
Perhaps by mapping out our own lives, we too can empathize with those on the road. Because when we do, we’ll find ourselves out there too, with renewed imaginations of being welcomed home.
2. With Malice Toward None
I definitely teared up when I read about this.
Ralph Yarl, the black teen who was shot in the head last year, by an elderly white man who “feared for his life” when the boy knocked on the wrong door to pick up his siblings, ends up playing with Yo-Yo Ma for a performance of With Malice Toward None from the movie, Lincoln.
The first part of this story is horribly sad and anger inducing. Here we have an elderly white man, living alone, who decides out of his own fear and isolation that he needs to shoot through his locked door to defend himself when he sees a black teenage boy.
I think the song speaks for itself.
3. You’re Not Alone
Open up this is a raid / I wanna get it through to you
- Mavis Staples
You are not alone
I'm with you
I'm lonely too
What's that song
That can't be sung by two
A broken home
A broken heart
Isolated and afraid
Open up this is a raid
I wanna get it through to you
You're not alone
You're not alone
Every night
I stand in your placeEvery tear
On every face
Tastes the same
A broken dream
A broken heart
Isolated and afraid
Open up this is a raid
I'm gonna get it through to you
You're not alone
An open hand
An open heart
There's no need to be afraid
Open up this is a raid
I wanna get it through to you
You're not alone
I wanna get it through to you
You're not alone
I'm gonna get it through to you
You're not alone
As I was driving around town the other day listening to one of my favorite playlists, (The Bear season 2), and this Mavis Staples’ classic came on just when I was getting pretty ticked off with the driver in front of me. I’d heard it several times before, but it was this line that broke through:
Open up this is a raid / I wanna get it through to you / you’re not alone
I thought of all of us out driving in our own little worlds, trying to get somewhere with the weight of the world on our shoulders; believing once again, that it’s all up to us and I’m the only one who feels this way.
The word “raid” means a “sudden attack on an enemy.” How else can the Spirit of God get to us sometimes? How else can the Spirit reach the enemy within that whispers those little lies on repeat.
You’re alone. I’m alone.
Suddenly, “open up this is a raid” feels like a relief.
And with a sigh, we breath. We open our door to our neighbor who doesn’t look like us, we turn off fox news and cnn and let the beating of our own heart revive us and look each other in the eye.
Thank God.
4. The Prayer of the Bee
by Carmen Bernos De Gasztold in Prayers From the Ark
Lord,
I am not one to despise Your gifts.
May You be blessed
Who spread the riches of Your sweetness
for my zeal…
Let my small span of ardent life
melt into our great communal task;
to lift up to Your glory
this temple of sweetness,
a citadel of incense,
a holy candle, myriad-celled,
moulded of Your graces
and of my hidden work.
A came across this poem being read out loud by the lovely
at the Festival of Faith & Writing. I had just settled into my seat for an early morning workshop about writing in the margins. The classroom was bursting at the seams. Some were sitting on the floor, and the doors and windows were already open, letting the April Michigan air breeze through. Apparently, we were all desperate to hear -how do we love the life we actually have and not despise our gifts?
This poem comes to me when I’m feeling frustrated. I think of it when envy and scarcity creeps into my brain, and I’m tempted to think that all the little notes I make during the day, hoping to eventually create something out of what is noticeable, don’t matter. And before I know it, I’ve lost who I am, despising my gifts and wishing life could just be, well, easier.
It helps to remember our great communal task. It helps to remember I’m not alone. It helps to remember that my gifts are indeed gifts, and even in my short life where I can be overly passionate about one thing and not enough about another, the Spirit can spread all that zeal into something sweet.
5. Grace in Practice at the Movies
I got the opportunity to contribute to our favorite grace-in-practice movies over at Mockingbird. It’s such a diverse and rich compilation! I’m definitely looking forward to watching some, especially Happy Go Lucky. I love Sally Hawkins.
You can find the entire list here.
While a couple of my favorites made the cut, here are my top 8:
Rivers and Tides (Documentary) (2001): The artist Andy Goldsworthy seems to be quite content with spending his time constructing large-scale artworks with natural materials. A meditation on receiving and cultivating the gifts we are given, and letting the rest be - flying in the face of utilitarianism / everything has a purpose.
Son of Rambow (2007): Set in 1980’s England, two boys become unlikely friends while creating a remake of “Rambo: First Blood.” A testament to the power of imagination, play and friendship.
The Mustang (2019): A quiet and sometimes explosive meditation about a convict in the Nevada prison system who gets the chance to be a part of a rehabilitation therapy program centered around training and selling wild mustangs. He learns how to let himself feel and be loved.
The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019): One of the sweetest down-and-out stories on screen. A guy on the run befriends a man with Downs Syndrome who’s escaped his residential nursing home with dreams of becoming a pro wrestler.
Sound of Metal (2019): A punk metal drummer ends up losing his hearing. What is left is a searing and empathetic look at what it takes to accept oneself when how you related to everything and everyone - is gone.
The Two Popes (2019): Grace abounds as we see an intimate story unfold between Pope Benedict (Anthony Hopkins) and Pope Francis (Jonathan Pryce), as they navigate the transitions between power. Both are seeking forgiveness in their own way. Both are looking for God in their respective lives. Both are crushed beneath the weight of their role. And both are in need of so much grace.
Minari (2020): Following a South Korean family who immigrated to Arkansas in the 1980’s, we watch a moving story on what is left after all is lost. What can grow in hard soil? Something that was once discarded as cheap, becomes a gift.
Mass (2021): A masterclass on restorative justice. Grace and mercy abound in this (mostly) four person cast. Gathering a couple years after a school shooting to try to find anything resembling hope. One couple being the parents of the shooter, and the other being the parents of one of the deceased. Tremors of grace are felt through the church choir practicing in another room and the space and breath of the cinematography that holds the characters when they (and, you the viewer) just don’t know the answer to why.
What are some of your favorite grace-in-practice movies? Or anything else catching your eye recently? I’d love to know.
Well, that’s all for now friends. And when you find yourself out there on the road, may you have the courage to imagine, you will always be welcomed home.
See you in July,
Janell
Summer ‘24 playlist keeps growing
Noticeable:
The Prison Mirror - the flourishing of journalism behind bars
The Brothers Zahl podcast. John, Simeon and Dave are back for season 3. This time covering themes of free will (??? wink), imputation and more. It’s one of my favorite podcasts on theology because I feel like each brother brings so much of their own story.
The immutable John Williams being interviewed? Yes please.
Confessions 4.19 (trans. Ruden, 93).
Have a wonderful road trip, that picture with your brother is awesome! And I’m putting Peanut Butter Falcon on my summer list, have always wanted to watch it.
I love The Two Popes. I’ll have to add the others to my watchlist.